


From the Mouth

by JohnBurtonLee



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:07:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 62
Words: 6,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22472302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnBurtonLee/pseuds/JohnBurtonLee
Summary: Collection of short fics for the Harmony & Co Facebook group as well as the associated Writing Locker.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Harry Potter
Comments: 104
Kudos: 138





	1. Shipping

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters are responses to the Harmony & Co Mini Saga Mondays or the Writing Locker's Writing Prompt Wednesdays. The former have a hundred word limit and the latter one thousand words. Unless otherwise specified, chapters come from the Mini Saga Mondays.
> 
> The title of the collection comes from a Google mistranslation of the etymology of the word 和, which can mean harmony.

"I'm surprised that you don't ship Jo with the intellectual."

Hermione blushed and turned away from Harry to look at the copy of Little Women in her lap. "There's something to be said about being in love with your best friend."

Harry's voice was warm and vaguely teasing. "That there is."

And because Gryffindors charge forward, she added, "And maybe there's something about Laurie's unruly black hair."

"I always did think Laurie should have ended up with the fun bookworm."

Hermione smirked and looked back to Harry. "Fun?"

His eyes twinkled as he reached over to squeeze her hand. "Fun."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't actually remember Little Women well enough to have an opinion on the Jo/Laurie ship, but with the Winona Ryder movie being released in March 1995 in the UK, it seemed something that could be reasonably being talked about their fourth or fifth year. If I was going to use this in a larger fic, it'd probably be fourth year and have Viktor and Ginny as romantic rivals (the former to contrast the non-childhood friend romantic foil for Harry and the latter as the little sister romantic foil for Hermione).


	2. Music

"You're the only one who gives me CDs for my birthday."

Harry shrugged. "Everyone else gets you books and you can only read one book at a time."

Hermione looked up at him and arched an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge? Wait. Why do you look guilty?"

Harry pulled at his collar.

"Harry," she growled.

"Sometimes you dance when you're listening to music. It's selfish, but it's nice seeing you act carefree."

Hermione rolled her eyes at his definition of selfishness, while Harry was glad she didn't work out that he liked seeing her bounce in place for other reasons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The thing about writing about teenage boys is that sometimes they'll act like teenage boys.


	3. Second

When in Hogwarts Harry had always admired Hermione's passion for her causes. However, that same appreciation was what made him wary of being in a relationship with her. Even if it started well, he knew that one day he would be in tears because he was no longer the most important thing in her life. It happened with Ron.

Despite that, he fell in love with her afterwards, and he ended up being right again about the tears. However, he was wrong about how it would feel. He was happy as they welcomed their new number one, their newborn daughter.


	4. Second Time

Harry jumped a little as Hermione dumped a pile of books in front of him. 

"Er, what's this?"

"I'm convinced that if sex was actually that bad in general the human race would not exist. Obviously, we weren't doing something right. So we're doing it again, but studying first."

Harry blinked. He knew that Hermione could be a perfectionist but didn't realize that it would extend to things like this. "I was afraid you wouldn't want to have anything to do with me anymore."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "First times aren't supposed to be good. That's what practice is for."


	5. Sunny

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the Writing Prompt Wednesday with an image prompt.
> 
> Warning: there are days that my muse despises happiness.

"Hermione?" Harry said sleepily from her lap. "Tell me a story."

Hermione ran a hand through his messier than normal hair. "How about our happily ever after?"

His eyes fluttered closed. "Sounds good."

"I'm the one that will propose to you. I get tired of you waiting for the perfect moment and trying to hide the ring box whenever we go out. Poorly."

"Sounds like me."

"We'll have two kids and argue endlessly about what to name them."

Harry let out a hitching exhalation. "You'll want literary names and I'll want to name them after my parents. Maybe Sirius."

"We'll get a house in the country so the kids can run around without people gawking at them."

"It'll have a big library for you," he insisted.

Hermione sniffed. "Our kids will like it, too. Even better than flying."

Harry scrunched his nose. "That's what they'll tell you, but just because they don't want you to feel bad about not letting them fly."

"They're your kids. They'll nick a broom and go flying anyway."

Harry shook his head slightly in her lap. "Nah. They'll love you too much to worry you like that."

"Your kids will still want to fly."

"Maybe when it's sunny they'll run around flapping their arms like wings. Split the difference." 

"And you'll chase after them with your arms spread wide. They'll scream as they run from you."

"Happy screams. Screams of light."

"Delight," she corrected automatically.

"What I said." Harry smacked his lips lightly. "Thank… was good…."

Hermione sobbed quietly. "I love you, you brave idiot." There was no response, nor would there ever be. Her sole consolation was that Harry died knowing that he was loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In my defense, the prompt image reminded me of the Robin Williams movie "What Dreams May Come," which is basically about the afterlife.


	6. Together

"Harry James Potter, are you actually happy that I found a grey hair?"

Harry took a step back from his angry (but beautiful) wife. "Yes?"

"Explain. Quickly."

"This is going to sound stupid."

"Obviously."

"You know how we promised that we would grow old together?"

Hermione exhaled sharply. "It was in our wedding vows."

"Well, I was getting worried that you were trying to get out of it by not aging."

Hermione sighed. "I can't tell if that's sweet or just unobservant."

"What? You look exactly the same as when we got married."

"I'll add bad memory to the list."


	7. Valentine's

"Dad? Is there any good way to get out of doing anything for Valentine's Day?"

Harry shrugged. "Well, you could say that it was originally celebrated by slapping women with bloody goat hides and the holiday makes you sick."

Teddy groaned. "Mum fact?"

"Mum fact."

As Teddy wandered off muttering, Harry felt guilty that Teddy never had a chance at Ravenclaw because they'd taught him that knowledge is traumatizing. At least Harry didn't mention that he knew this trivia because that was the excuse he and Hermione used back in school so no one would look for them on Valentine's.


	8. A Girl Like Mum

Harry smacked his forehead. "You're time travelers! You're me! You're Hermione!"

His dad nodded. Smugly. "Took you long enough."

"No wonder you found it so funny when I said that I wanted to marry you when I grew up!"

"Honestly, Harry, every mother finds that funny."

"Well, there are some pureblood-" Harry winced at the elbow his mum sent at his dad. The masochist just grinned… and Harry just mentally insulted himself. Well, this explained a lot about his dynamic with Hermione. 

"Oh God. I'm dating my mother. Literally."

"Adopted," she added.

"I'm going to need therapy. All the therapy."


	9. Pose

Harry wasn't the type to posture for the ladies. He seemed almost allergic to the notion of trying to attract female attention. The sole exception was for Hermione, and that was making fun of the sex god image that most of the magical world had of him.

So when he took off his shirt, struck a bodybuilder pose for her and then kissed his bicep, it was to make her laugh and not to get her to drop her knickers. Hermione had no intention to tell him how effective it would be for the latter because then he might stop.


	10. Ash and Pikachu

This seemed like an odd way to change how he felt about Halloween.

"You realize we're the only ones who will understand what we're dressed as?" Harry said as he adjusted his red and white cap. 

"That's part of the appeal," Hermione said tartly.

"There are days I wonder if my inability to say no to you is actually pathological." Though Harry had to admit that her yellow bodystocking looked scrumptious. As she adjusted the costume tail, he came to a realization and groaned. "You picked these out just so everyone would hear me say that I chose you."

"Pika!"


	11. Exceptions

"Sanitation, James!"

"Five second rule!"

Hermione loved her son dearly, but sometimes she thought he had spent a little too much time with his uncle Ron. "Do you really want to apply the five second rule to surfaces your father and I have had sex on?"

James stared at the couch in horror. Then at his father, who shrugged sheepishly. James bolted to the bathroom and they soon heard retching sounds. Rude. They cleaned regularly.

"That was worth giving him the Talk," Harry commented.

"You'd think he'd appreciate his parents having a sex life. It's why he exists after all."


	12. Proposal

"Marry me."

It felt like an eternity before she replied. "On one condition."

Harry swallowed. "Anything." Hermione wouldn't ask anything too outrageous. Right?

"Shave."

Harry sighed. "My fangirl repellent."

"You could trim it properly instead," Hermione purred, eyes darkening.

"That's even worse." He once wore a proper vandyke in public and the gossip mags were still circulating those pictures. This scraggly mess served a purpose, dammit!

"Not even for our wedding?" Hermione knew what that tone of voice did to him!

He slumped in defeat. "Fine."

"Good boy. You'll get rewarded later."

Well, there were good parts to being whipped.


	13. Normality

"Damn your luck, Harry!"

"It's our wedding, Hermione! This could be your luck!" They were fighting back to back, so he couldn't see her expression, but her inarticulate scream of rage adequately conveyed her disbelief.

"This never would have happened if you married a dentist!" cried her mother.

"Alien invasions are science fiction, mother! This has nothing to do with magic!"

"I told you we should have just eloped," Harry shouted as he shot another bombarda into one of the charging squid/ape things.

"That's it! I'm keeping my maiden name!"

"How does that follow?!"

"No 'I told you so's!'"


	14. Sentiment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the Wednesday photo prompt for the Writing Locker. I'm still trying to find an embeddable picture for it, but it's one of the Keira Knightley shots for the 2005 Pride and Prejudice production.

"Your present is behind the door," Harry said nervously. Hermione didn't read too much into that since he was nervous whenever he gave her a birthday present.

She just shot him what was meant to be a reassuring look and opened the door. "Are those-?"

"Costumes from the Pride and Prejudice movie? Yes. You seemed to be interested in some of the publicity stills."

There were two mannikins adorned in the costumes, though they didn't look quite right. "Did you have them refitted for our sizes?"

"Just temporarily. Parvati did the charms. She said they should be dispelled for storage. You probably understand why better than I do."

Hermione smiled at Harry. "Did you want to have a dance?"

"Only if you don't mind sore feet. Also, Dennis offered to work the camera if you wanted to duplicate a certain photoshoot."

Hermione waved her hands to vigorously dispel that notion. "Oh, no. Keira Knightley could pull that off, but not me."

"I'm not going to force you, but at least try it on and see how you look before you say no?"

"Oh, put away those puppy dog eyes. Still… this must have cost a fortune."

"Not really. Jacqueline Durran, the costume designer for the production, she's actually a squib. I had to autograph a few things for her in return, but it was worth it."

Hermione was touched that he would actually use his fame for her considering how much he hated trading on it. "Wait. What kind of things?"

Harry sighed and slouched slightly. "Her complete collection of those stupid books."

Hermione tried and failed to stifle a giggle at that.

"I see that my misery amuses you."

Well if he went that far for her, the least she could do is give him a memento. She definitely didn't think she could wear the gown as well as Keira Knightley, but the distance between them was far smaller than the distance between the real Harry and the one from the Boy-Who-Lived books. 

When they had the imitation photoshoot, their photos turned out to be much less serious than the originals. Dennis had to mount a broom to duplicate some of the camera angles and it wasn't a graceful sight at all. That was fine. Her time with Harry now was full of happiness and laughter. The pictures should reflect that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... and yes I recycled the idea of Pride and Prejudice costumes as a birthday present from "Nothing Inevitable".


	15. War

Harry should never had made Hermione return that library book late. Of course she declared that it meant war. He was expecting pranks or for her to outright hex him. Not low cut tops, hip hugging short shorts and a nasty tendency to unnecessarily bend over to pick things up.

He let out a cute whimper when she started to slowly lick an ice lolly - cherry flavored, to stain her lips red.

"Oops," she said as she deliberately ran the tip of the lolly down her neck to her cleavage.

Harry leaned forward, moaning.

"All according to plan," she thought.


	16. Attracting Her

Like a lot of men, Harry just did not understand looking attractive to women. Oh, he knew what worked through trial and lots of error, but he didn't understand why - like what was sexy about abs, seriously? Life got a lot simpler when he realized that he only wanted to appeal to one woman.

For tonight's preparations he had to endure a James Bond marathon with Parvati and what she did to his hair was probably classified as black magic, but it was worth it when Hermione saw him walk in wearing his tuxedo inspired dress robes.

Game on, Granger.


	17. Attracting Him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Companion to last week's drabble.

If you could get Harry to talk about it, he would say that he's a breast man. Hermione wasn't sure if that was societal expectations, a lie or delusion. She knew that the best way to get his motor running was to expose her back, not emphasize her chest.

For tonight's event she chose a black backless dress that was modest from the front but left her back completely uncovered except for two thin straps. With her hair in a chignon, she could feel Harry's eyes caressing her from behind all night as she talked to friends and colleagues. 

Payback.


	18. Alone

Harry had thought he was alone in the common room (not brooding) until Crookshanks jumped on his lap. "Heya, Crooks. I don't suppose you know why Hermione doesn't want me?"

Crookshanks just stared at Harry flatly until he started petting.

"It's because I'm short, isn't it?"

The cat smacked his lips indifferently.

"I'm not funny enough?"

"Mreow."

"I'm not funny looking."

Crookshanks stared at him again.

"It's because I'm going to die, isn't it?"

The cat jumped off and ran towards the stairs where his owner was standing.

Her eyes shone wetly. "It's because I thought you didn't want me."


	19. Fear

Harry and Hermione had a friends with benefits arrangement. He lived in constant fear that she would end it. They said from the beginning it would be no strings attached.

There was no way he could convince himself it wouldn't happen eventually. She was smart, sexy, funny, driven…. Eventually some guy worthy of her would come along. Harry's mornings started with a prayer of "Not today."

But he was more afraid of telling her how he felt. If he did, she might call it off because he got attached.

He didn't realize that her days started with the same prayer.


	20. Unnecessary

Harry pounded on the door to the broom closet. "Let us out!"

"It's for your own good!" shouted Ginny.

"You aren't coming out until you two talk about your feelings!" That sounded like Dean.

"We don't need to talk about our feelings!" Hermione punctuated that by kicking the door.

"The unresolved sexual tension has been unbearable!" Was that Luna?

Harry felt Hermione turn to him in the dark. He knew what she was asking and shrugged in response.

"We've been together since May!"

"Oh…. Then start shagging!" That was definitely Luna. Only she could create an uncomfortable silence that loud.


	21. Professor

"Harry, breathe."

"You don't understand. I'm the least qualified DADA professor in history."

Hermione arched a brow at her hyperventilating boyfriend. "You were brilliant teaching DA."

"It's literally my job to teach them to care about their safety."

Hermione winced. "You may not be the best example there."

"I think I'll resign at the end of the term."

Hermione knew exactly how to motivate him. "But playing naughty Head Girl is a lot less fun without a real professor."

"The worst part about using sex to manipulate me is that I can see what you're doing, but it works anyway."


	22. Painting

Ron gestured to the paint cans. "Why'd you do it the muggle way?"

Harry thought about saying that this way he was able to spend time with Hermione and talk about the little things. He also thought about the way Hermione looked when she wiped sweat from her brow and the intriguing path that drop of paint took when it ran down her skin.

"Because this way she couldn't constantly change her mind about colors," Harry lied.

"Brilliant that is." 

Harry remembered the way she looked in her painting rags without a bra, especially bent over adjusting the tarps. "Indeed."


	23. Moment

Harry knew the exact moment when he realized that he loved Hermione. It said something about him that that moment was right after she hit him. Oh, it wasn't hard, and he certainly deserved it. He just said "Love you, too," which caused her to roll her eyes and leave with the book that he had been playfully hiding from her.

It was as he watched her go that he realized that it wasn't just a line. He really did love her. Now the problem was how to convince her that he meant it as a lot more than friends.


	24. Safe

The nice thing about Harry was that he was safe. Hermione felt free to try out different aspects of Hermione Granger that she would never let anyone else see… like wearing stiletto heels along with a bikini that had more in common with dental floss than clothing.

Safe meant, very importantly and at a bare minimum, not laughing. Safe meant acknowledging her as a sexual being without being crass about it or trying to get her to cover up. Safe meant understanding there was an offer there, but not a guarantee.

Passing out, while flattering, was a bit too safe.


	25. DuckTales Woo Hoo

It took some demonstrations, but Hermione accepted that Harry had somehow developed the ability to stop time.

"Honestly, Harry, only you would spontaneously acquire a power out of badly written pornographic fiction."

"I was thinking out of an episode of DuckTales. Is there something you want to tell me, Hermione?"

"Where did you think my brain would go if removing my bra was one of the things you used for proof? You owe me dinner for that."

"Success!"

Hermione sighed. "Why do I believe that you developed superpowers rather than man up and ask me out normally?"

"You know me?"


	26. Cravings

Harry reminded himself that it was his fault that Hermione was having pregnancy cravings and that it could be worse. He could have married Luna and had to put up with sauerkraut on pizza.

Though, thinking about it, that wasn't actually that much stranger than what she normally ate.

So, in comparison, fresh squeezed orange juice was getting off easy. Only, Hermione could somehow taste if he used magic to do the juicing. He'd actually done experiments with this - not that she appreciated the science.

Still, it warmed his heart to see Hermione's embarrassed smile after she guzzled her juice.


	27. Plain

Some girls had called Hermione plain, but Harry just didn't see it. Oh, he'd admit that she wasn't conventionally attractive, but conventionally attractive often didn't work for him. Like Seamus drooling over that picture of Angelina Jolie. Harry couldn't see why. 

So what if Hermione's hair was slightly wild? Harry wouldn't be throwing stones there. 

Her lips too thin? Again, Harry didn't see the appeal of Jolie. 

Too fat? Are you daft? This was Hogwarts. Hermione climbed a hundred staircases a day carrying literally enough books to kill someone.

And if Hermione was plain then why couldn't Harry stop looking?


	28. Denial

"...so we hope you'll enjoy having a younger brother or sister."

Teddy glared at his parents. "You're ruining the one good thing about being adopted."

Harry glanced at Hermione before asking. "What's that?"

Teddy crossed his arms. "Being able to pretend that your parents never had sex."

Harry sighed. "I told you he was too young to get the Talk."

"Old enough to ask the question, old enough to get the answer," his wife replied.

"But you're fine with a baby?" Harry asked Teddy.

"That part will be great," his godson replied, even though his glare didn't let up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is definitely the same 'verse as Chapter Seven: Valentine's.


	29. Preparation

When Hermione decided that it was time to move their relationship to the next level, she prepared the perfect evening in: the right food, the right music, the right outfit down to the knickers. She even used up a box of condoms practicing putting one on a banana in a sexy manner.

So with their luck (she blamed Harry), obviously she would end up with a mild concussion after a car accident, with strict orders not to do anything strenuous, including sex. Especially sex. Harry pampering her and waiting on her hand and foot was a barely adequate consolation prize.


	30. Combat

Harry dodged another sickly green projectile. He felt bad about the collateral damage behind him, but not bad enough to stop one with his face.

To his left Hermione was hunched over, her breath coming in ragged gasps.

His shift in attention came at a cost and he got hit in the chest.

"The idea is to get the food inside the toddler," Hermione finally got out between laughs.

Harry fixed Teddy with a weak glare. "You much cuter when you were on the bottle." He tried to wipe the goo off. "I never want to see broccoli puree again."


	31. The List

Normally Hermione liked lists, but this one was driving her crazy. It was a list of fifty small romantic gestures. Normally she would just roll her eyes and discard it as Parvati's kind of nonsense, but she did read it and was disappointed to see how few of them her boyfriend had done but how many Harry had.

It was sobering to realize how many of the little things that Harry did other people classified as romantic. The casual touches or helping adjust her necklace when the clasp came around to the front. Maybe she was dating the wrong man?


	32. Fine

Harry was sick of pretending he was fine. He was sick of pretending there weren't nights he just didn't sleep to avoid nightmares. He was sick of pretending that he didn't watch strangers for signs of danger. He was sick of pretending that he didn't have days where he regretted not staying dead.

Of course, not pretending was even worse.

If it wasn't for those quiet moments when he was alone with Hermione… well, he didn't know what he'd do. All he knew was that when he was with her, he had the hope that it wouldn't be pretend anymore.


	33. Need

Before Hermione and Harry had sex for the first time, she hadn't really understood the concept of the need for sex. She had definitely understood attraction or arousal, but the idea that someone could ever need sex like water was at best hyperbolistic and certainly wasn't something that would ever apply to her.

She also hadn't understood the idea of sex as a motive for murder, but as she counted down the days until Harry got home, she definitely contemplated murdering his boss. And when Harry got home and promptly fell asleep? Let's say murder was too good for Robards.


	34. Journalist

"Skeeter, you're an idiot. Don't you remember my fourth year?"

"I'm registered now! You can't blackmail me!"

Harry rolled his eyes. "Just because Hermione prefers minimal makeup doesn't mean she doesn't know how to go all out when she wants to. Like the Yule Ball. Or my birthday." He jabbed a finger at the photograph. "That is my wife. So unless your readers want to hear that we had a lovely night out, I don't think you have a story."

"Actually, I think they would," she said with a shark-like grin.

"Me and my big mouth."

The grin just widened.


	35. Reasoning

"Why haven't you and Hermione gotten together yet?" asked Neville.

"The law of narrative causality," Harry said sagely.

"Er, what?"

"You see, I'm obviously the protagonist of a modern fantasy epic, and because Hermione and I are so compatible, there wouldn't be any real relationship drama. It wouldn't advance the plot. The only way things could go is for her to die to motivate me." Harry shook his head. "I wouldn't make her part of my tragic rampage of revenge plot."

Neville sputtered. "You can't seriously-"

Harry clapped Neville on his back. "Just kidding. We've been together since August." 

"Prat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because every Harmony shipper wonders why they never got together.


	36. Reunion

Harry cracked his neck, but tensed at the sound of someone walking on broken glass. Then he relaxed as he recognized the figure he hadn't seen before in this life. 

"Honestly, Harry, how many lifetimes am I going to be cleaning up after your messes?"

"Well, I think that's up to you. You're the one that keeps insisting that we put 'in this life and the next' in our wedding vows."

The body Hermione's soul was wearing sighed as she surveyed the destruction. "I don't think I can even blame you for the alien invasion."

He smirked. "Missed you, too."


	37. Sharing

"I hate you so much," Hermione growled.

It was hard being sympathetic when all you wanted to do was coo over how cute your wife was acting. "You were the one who told me that a misery shared is a misery lessened."

"That was for therapy! It wasn't meant to apply to a Darcy and Elizabeth death fic."

Harry kissed the top of her head. "I told you that you didn't want to know."

"Next time I'll believe you."

"That's what you said last time."

Hermione tossed her head back. "The worst part? I actually want to read it again."


	38. Science

Hermione crossed her arms. "You're just saying that. I'm fat now."

"Let's look at this scientifically. Is a species more likely to survive if the males found their mates attractive when they were pregnant? And maybe more likely to stay around and help keep her happy?"

"Actually, since you can't get a pregnant woman pregnant again, males that moved on to other women would have an evolutionary advantage."

Harry sighed. "Dammit."

Hermione grabbed his tie and pulled him close. "But trying to use science is a turn on."

As she kissed him, Harry reflected that sometimes mood swings weren't bad.


	39. Vulgar Elizabethan

Hermione had joined Harry at a cafe near his campus. "I still can't believe that you've become an English major."

"It's hard not to appreciate Shakespeare when your best friend is named Hermione."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I hope the girls around here appreciate your wit."

Harry smirked behind his tea cup. "None of the girls here have had a chance to appreciate my wit, but I'd be glad to share it with you any time."

Hermione realized why he was amused and kicked him under the table. Blushing, she looked to the side and asked "Is tonight good?"

"Brilliant."


	40. Shortcut

"So there's this girl I really, really like. She's brilliant and I might actually love her. I was hoping that you could give me some advice."

Hermione stared at him long enough to literally make him sweat. "You want me to help you woo this girl you're in love with?"

Harry nodded nervously.

"Step one. Be very glad that you're easy to read and didn't break her heart by pretending to be in love with someone else."

"Heh. Heh. Oops?"

"Step two. Apologize sincerely."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking and-"

"Step three. Kiss her like you mean it."

He did.


	41. Stag Do

"Oi!" Harry shouted as his so-called friends pushed him into a room with nothing but a chair and a giant cake. After realizing that they weren't going to let him out, he said to the cake, "I know how this goes, and I want you to know that I really love my fiancée."

The cake started to shake and Harry rapidly covered his eyes.

"Relax, Harry. I already replaced the bint they got for your show." Harry opened his eyes to see a smirking Hermione. "Do you want to give those reprobates at the door something to hear?"

"My, yes."


	42. Concussion

Hermione moved her finger in front of Harry's face and was dismayed to see that his eyes weren't tracking.

"Hello, Angel," he slurred out.

"I'm Hermione, Harry." And those pupils were definitely dilated.

"I know that! But you are an angel. You're all pretty and kind and perfect and-" Harry flopped an arm.

"He's got a concussion."

"I'll say," muttered Ron.

Hermione made a mental note to hex Ron after they got Harry to Madam Pomfrey.

"Love you 'Mione."

"Why don't you jump him for calling you that?"

"He has a head injury. Do you want a head injury, too?"


	43. Punny

"Harry, what's so funny about me signing up for a ceramics art class?"

"Is this your way of saying I should ask you to marry me?"

Hermione flushed at that. "How does that follow?"

"Because you want to be a Potter?"

Hermione groaned. "Not if you're going to pun like that."

"And if I promise not to?"

"Maybe we should try going on a few dates first."

"Like our regular movie nights or when you dragged me to the sodding ballet-"

"A date where kissing is an option. And just for that we're seeing the ballet again."

"Eh, worth it."


	44. Love Is

Sometimes love was eating the same meal for the eighth night running, when your perfectionist girlfriend tried to recreate her mother's lost spaghetti pie recipe. (Damn memory charm.)

Harry thought what Hermione made the last seven nights was perfectly edible and her attempts to make it more authentic were actually harming the flavor. Then again, it supposedly was a "healthy" recipe. How that would work when it was a pie plate full of carbohydrates and grease Harry wasn't sure.

Still, Harry dutifully took the leftovers for lunch every day and held her every time it didn't turn out quite right.


	45. Horror

Ginny gasped. "Where did you get that bruise?"

"Hermione," Harry groaned.

"She beats you?"

"Only if I do something silly like breathe to loud-"

"That's not silly!"

"-during the scary parts of horror movies."

"Oh. Then you deserve it."

Harry sighed. "Thanks for the sympathy."

"Well, if you would just man up and tell her you were interested rather than engaging in suicidal displays of affection like watching horror movies with her, maybe you would suffer less."

"She's not that bad," Harry said weakly.

"She literally put Ron in the hospital watching that killer clown movie."

"Yeah, but clowns."

"Point."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dedicated to any guys out there who watched "It" to spend time with a pretty girl and wouldn't have done it for any other reason.


	46. Outfits

Hermione had interesting ideas for therapy. She knew that Harry didn't have many good associations with his childhood, so whenever he shared any details about his past she tried to create new associations. Like wearing the sexy Smurfette costume after he mentioned watching the Smurfs through the crack in the cupboard door. Either that or it was a reward for sharing.

Though as Harry watched his wife unnecessarily bend over in the sexy santa outfit, he added the possibility that she just liked his reactions. But then, she was the brightest witch of their age. She could have multiple goals.


	47. Scent

Hermione sighed. "I think Harry might have used a love potion on me."

Ginny burst out laughing.

"I'm serious. For some reason lately I just really want to be around him, and something about the way he smells lately-"

"Tickles the pear? Dammit I owe Harry a galleon."

"What?"

"Harry found out that old books smell like vanilla, almonds and something else I don't remember. I caught him rubbing almonds on his clothes. I told him it was a stupid idea, but apparently he knows you better."

"Well, it is sexy when he uses his brain."

"You two are dorks."


	48. Tastes

"Why did Ginny break up with you?" Hermione asked.

Harry shrugged. "When I was sixteen I wanted a grand romance. You know, dramatic gestures-"

"Saving the girl from the giant snake or publicly snogging in the common room after Quidditch."

"Exactly. But now that I'm older I want all the quiet moments in a relationship and Ginny doesn't want to settle down. We couldn't just grab sandwiches together at the deli or just have movie night. Instead we needed to dress up to go out and-"

"Maybe she broke up with you because you just described  _ our _ dynamic."

"Oh. Oh!"


	49. Pinch Me

The first illusion Harry mastered was a spell on his glasses to conceal what direction he was looking in. It was useful in class to make professors think he was paying attention.

Though obviously an illusion on his glasses didn't work on the person sitting next to him: namely Hermione, who he was trying to discreetly check out. He realized he failed at discreetness when Hermione pinched him and pointed to her notes.

He didn't mind failing all that much since her notes had a place, time and a warning to shave.

Sometimes it was good to be Harry Potter.


	50. Frustration

Teddy was privy to one of the biggest secrets in the nation: Harry Potter was a total dork. This was never more apparent than when Hermione was around. Who walks into walls? Teddy was six and didn't really understand all that mushy kissy stuff, but even he was about ready to lock them in a closet.

Uncle Ron shook his head. "Nope. It wouldn't work and then Hermione would kill us. Me. You're safe."

"But-"

"I can think of six different ways they could get out and I'm sure they know more."

"Sigh."

"It's weird when you just say it."


	51. Confirmation

Harry looked at the way Hermione was leaning against him, both of them under a fluffy monstrosity of a blanket on the couch for movie night.

"Hermione, how long have we been dating?"

Hermione glanced over at the calendar. "Two months this last Tuesday."

"Nice to know." Harry paused, unsure how to ask this. "When did you figure out we were dating?"

"Just now, when you asked."

"Oh, good. It wasn't just me." Wait. Movie night had been a thing for a year. "What was two months ago?"

"We fell asleep on the bed and not the couch."

"Good call."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Usually I publish these at the same time as I put them up on the Harmony & Co group, but for some reason the master post for this week hasn't gone up there yet.


	52. Pinned

It said something bad that Hermione had gone through enough breakups that she and Harry had a routine for dealing with it. It started with chocolate and Chinese takeout. The middle varied depending on if she was the dumper or dumpee, but either way included Harry holding her, but the end was always "The Princess Bride."

This time she really looked at him and before the movie she made sure he was trapped against her on the couch before she asked "Is 'I'm here for you' your version of 'As you wish?'"

Harry squirmed and panicked but finally admitted "Yes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Facebook group has suspended normal programming while the Advent event is running, so these are only going here for now.


	53. Giddy

Harry breezed by Hermione in a definite good mood. "I quit today!"

"Why?!"

"I realized I was bored!"

"Harry, that's not a good reason to quit your job!"

"No, you don't understand. There are no Death Eaters left over." Harry skipped about (which was creepy). "I. Am. Finished!" he proclaimed with fists in the air.

"That's good?"

"It's bloody brilliant!" Harry then caught Hermione in his arms and dipped her into a positively cinematic kiss. Harry pranced off and was halfway up the stairs before he realized what he did and tripped. "Forgive me?"

"Only if you do it again."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Facebook group has suspended normal programming while the Advent event is running, so these are only going here for now.


	54. New Start

Harry knew for a fact that he had single friends. It was just hard to remember when it seemed like the only other one who had been invited to the New Year's party was Hermione. The two had been forced to stand together out of sheer defense against the overwhelming couplishness of everyone else. 

So when the countdown ended Harry kissed Hermione, planning to blame the punch if she disapproved. Thankfully she kissed him back.

Around them there were cheers. It took him a moment to realize it wasn't for the new year when he heard a call of "Finally!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And this marks fulfilling my 2020 New Year's Resolution: publishing something every week for the entire year. (Publication date on this is then end of January because they originally only went up on the Harmony & Co. Facebook group and that's when I started archiving them here.) As far as I can tell, I only missed one Monday: the fourteenth of December because the Facebook group suspended the Mini Fic Mondays for December, but I remembered on the Tuesday.


	55. Home

This was the fifth country they hit in the last three weeks. Yet despite the different languages, different foods and, oh God, the different libraries, it all blended together for Harry. As they entered their hotel room, he wondered why it felt like home when they had just arrived today. Though as Harry listened to Hermione gush about the Nakajima library, he realized that it was because home was where Hermione was.

"Tadaima. That means I'm home, right?"

Hermione smiled. "Okaerinasai. Welcome home, Harry. Though, to be precise, tadaima is short for-"

Harry basked in her familiar and comfortable pedantry.


	56. Teacher

"So what do you do for a living?" asked Hermione's uncle.

"I'm a school teacher. Not only do I like being a school teacher, but my wife could be said to have something of a teacher fetish."

Hermione slapped Harry's arm. "Not in front of my family."

Various forms of "That wasn't a surprise" were uttered by Hermione's extended family.

"I bet she wears her old school uniform for you," said Hermione's bratty little cousin.

"You'd lose," Harry said.

"Is that because it doesn't fit anymore?"

"It's actually because she special ordered a shorter, translucent version for their anniversary."

"Mother!"


	57. Paperwork

"Um, how did you think of these?" Harry said as he scanned the kink questionnaire Hermione had handed him.

"Relax, Harry. I found it online."

"I don't recognize what a quarter of these things are," he muttered.

"Just ask and I'll tell you."

Harry sighed and started writing in numbers, but he had an unfair advantage over her past boyfriends: he knew her well enough to know that she was really subconsciously testing for honesty and not actual kink compatibility. He was still nervous, but Hermione's growing smirk as he worked made him think that kink compatibility wasn't a problem.


	58. Stress Relief

"Just like that," Hermione moaned.

Harry reminded himself that this was just a backrub and any inadvertently erotic sounds coming out of Hermione's mouth were just a sign of how stressed she was. The fact they had been doing this every day for the last week was purely because of the upcoming vote and Harry was just being a good friend. He wasn't doing this because he enjoyed the way Hermione's quivering flesh felt beneath his hands, or the smell of her hair, or-

Screw it. Harry twisted around her and kissed her soundly.

"Exactly according to plan," she thought.


	59. Oblivious

Ron once again wondered how he was the one people called stupid. "Mate, you and Hermione are married with children. Why wouldn't you think you two were in a committed relationship?"

"Well, we got married because we didn't want Matthew to ever have a reason to feel unwanted."

"And Dahlia and Rose?"

"I'm not denying that we're friends with benefits. It's just sometimes we're bad about remembering contraception."

Ron closed his eyes and reminded himself that strangling Harry would defeat the purpose behind this conversation. He wished this was mind control but he knew these idiots too well for that.


	60. Writer's block

"Dammit, Harry, you've given me the worst case of writer's block."

Harry blinked at Hermione. "I'd apologize, but I haven't the faintest idea how that's evenly vaguely possible, since as far as I know, the only fiction writing you do is smutty fanfics and the last week should have just been inspiration." 

"That's the problem! Now that I've actually had mind blowing sex everything I write just seems so inadequate at capturing... everything!"

"And now I feel even less inclined to apologize." Except maybe to Ron for what that implied about his performance in bed.

On second thought, maybe not.


	61. Question

"What do you mean I've got to marry you to save my life?"

Harry held up his hands in the face of Hermione's anger. "Your weakness lately is from that dagger Bellatrix used. It'll become increasingly debilitating over time to anyone not a Black. I'm head of the family now. If you marry me you'll be a Black as well."

"Aren't there other options like adoption?"

"Intent matters. I don't actually want to make you my daughter."

"Doesn't that mean you need to really want to marry me?"

Harry blushed. "This isn't the way I wanted you to find out."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First line is from Harmony & Co's Writing Locker's Writing Prompt Wednesday.


	62. Unlikely

"Harry, how did you become a backup dancer for Taylor Swift? I've seen you dance."

"I got better! But I'm actually not really sure. I was in a gym trading some core strengthening ideas and the next thing I know…."

Hermione sighed. "Only you, Harry. And how did that lead to you claiming I was your girlfriend?"

"Um. Stalker. Rescue. Crush. Avoidance."

"It saddens me that I could follow what you just said. And you chose me as the person most unlike the beautiful pop singer."

"Actually I chose you as the person she'd least be able to compete against."


End file.
